this one is for tim.
i'm sorry for the times i take you for granted, overlooking you because you exist so calmly beside me, never demanding attention.
i'm sorry for the times i dont roll over in the bed and kiss you goodnight because i am distracted, i am grumpy, i am half into an ambien haze. you deserve the consistency of the love we have, delivered to you, lip to lip, calm breath to calm breath.
i'm sorry for the rough six months, though they have been filled with notes higher than i think we ever dreamed of achieving, they have also his lows that have rocked us to our foundations. i think, or am beginning to think, that the chinese curse "may you live in interesting times" is particularly relevant to us right now. the times are interesting, and our survival mode is equaled only by our celebration mode.
there must be medication for this.
i'm sorry i leave you with the girls to wrangle so often, that it becomes a hurdle of rather immense responsibility while i am in another city, eating out, shooting film, dressing models, barely sleeping. i wish you were sometimes on hand to hold my hand. i wish i were home to hold them close in sleep.
i wish alot these days.
life has a way of wounding people, airie used to say to me in college as we sat in that cafe on college avenue, drinking tea and watching people. i think it wounds you, alot.
but i want to deflect the wounds from you, tim, i think you are more fragile than i am. or more strong, but getting tired.
i am sorry i took this much to get this focused.
i am here now, my one.
i am making amends,
and making change,
and letting the interesting times
create more stories